7/24/2023
We are going to leave for San Diego soon and my anxiety is
starting to surface. Today I feel impatient. I just want to get this going. I
woke up last night around 2 AM with my arm, from elbow to wrist feeling like I
had a rubber band wrapped around it. I don’t know why this happens, but it
seems like it happens most when I am really tired, or I don’t eat well earlier
that day. It might be an incentive to be better at rest and food intake, but I
hate it. I wake up and I am unable to get back to sleep leaving me more
exhausted until regardless of the symptoms I finally fall asleep.
Honestly, I am hoping a lot of these things will improve or
disappear completely with HSCT but I am not naive enough to rely on it. I will
just be happy if the MS goes into remission. I would love to wake up without
worrying that a new symptom will mean an MS relapse. I am exhausted of MS and I
haven’t had it as long as so many others have.
7/26/2023 - Hilton, Gun shots???
Tomorrow is the consultation, and we have the entire day
free to explore San Diego. We decided to go to the San Diego Zoo. I was so big!
I loved it but it was too expensive. If I could I would walk through every
exhibit twice. The Hotel we are staying in, it’s a Hilton not too far away from
the San Diego Zoo. Its nice but its late and I am pretty sure I heard gun
shots. I am glad that we are so far up. It sounded like it came from the
street.
7/27/2023
Today I go in for the consultation. I was so so incredibly
nervous. It hit me right as we were driving to the appointment. On our way in
my foot stuck to the floor and I couldn’t will it up. Finally, it worked again.
Kurt kept reassuring me that everything would be okay. We saw Dr. Burt for a
brief moment before the appointment. I thought, “holy crap, this is real. He is
real, all this is happening.” That of course brought on the vertigo, and I had
to sit because if I didn’t, I was going to fall over backwards. Someone called
us back, took my height, weight, and blood pressure. Before I knew it, she left
and Dr. Burt came in. I was staring at someone I had spent so much time
listening to. All of his work, all of the stories I heard in regards to this
treatment, his treatment, all of the lives he helped heal. He was an idol of
mine. I respected him greatly. I wanted to hang on every word he said but I
knew that wasn’t why we were here. He went over the risks and he answered all
my questions. Kristen mentioned that I follow him. He mentioned he just
returned from Portugal about Stem Cells and aging. I knew exactly what video he
was referring to. I had started it 2 days ago but with all traveling, I hadn’t
finished it and I knew I would have to watch it a few times to ensure I
understood all the details. I told him I started it but hadn’t finished it yet
and he recommended I do. I promised him that I would. After the appointment had
ended we returned to the hotel. I thought about watching the video, but I was
mentally exhausted from all the excitement in meeting him. I took two showers
instead.
7/28/2023
Today was intense but not as bad as I thought it would be. I
forgive myself because I know this is a risky procedure and I know that it’s
okay to be scared. I wasn’t completely open about all the risks to my friends
and family due to my own concern of their worry and personal opinions in regard
to what I am about to undergo. After waking up I was so nervous that my hands
weren’t working well, and I spilled ground coffee grounds on my foot and leaving
a foot print on the carpet. Yesterday I forgot to mention that we changed hotel
rooms to one a little closer to Scripps Hospital. Kurt wanted to take a shower
before we left, and I wanted coffee very badly even though I knew it wasn’t
going to do my anxiety any favors. So, I decided to go downstairs to the hotel café.
It was just outside the hotel entrance and a little off to one side. I ordered
and was caught off guard by Dr. Burt! He recognized me immediately, must be my
horrible bowl-ish style haircut. He invited me to sit with him and chat. It was
so cool. We talked about his video regarding aging, and I rambled about my MS
because I was so nervous. I wasn’t nervous about talking to him, just nervous
about having chemo for the first time. When I got my coffees, he mentioned that
he didn’t want my extra coffee to get cold, noticing I had two. Immediately I
thought of my husband and thanks to my ADHD like attention span, I forgot what
I was talking about almost immediately. I said what I hope was a polite goodbye
and returned to my room.
On my way up I dreaded how I rambled on. All I wanted was to
listen to him talk about his research, but I didn’t do my homework. I had
postponed watching his video regarding stem cell transplant, aging, and regeneration.
He tried to talk about it but my mind was racing and of course I just rambled
about MS and stupid stuff I don’t even remember. A lot of it I am sure he knows
or heard before. I will see him again, but I am a little disappointed I didn’t
watch that video when I should have.
We left for the hospital, and we went straight to the
nursing station who told us we had to go back to reception to get checked in. I
had checked in online, so I didn’t know. She gave us the room number, 376, and
we went straight in. It felt weird and awkward for a moment because I didn’t
know what to do. They had a night gown off to the side. There was a toothbrush,
tray, folder, and menu all laid out neatly. We were not alone for long; nurses
were right behind along with Kristen who introduced them. Kristina and Natalie
were my daytime nurses. They started taking vitals and tried to take blood. Unfortunately,
it failed twice, and Natalie had to call someone else into ultrasound-guide the
IV in. They came in and got it in pretty quickly, but I had wished she went
slower. She said one, two, three and suddenly jabbed me kind of hard. It of
course, startled me and I jumped which knocked it back out, so she had to jab
me a second time. I jumped again but this time it stayed in place.
They started me on Mesna, 2 anti-nausea medications, and an
IV. About 1 hour later, at three, they added Cyclophosimide. At 5:30 Kristina
came in because the Cyclophosimide was finished. She said she could sympathize
because she had cancer as a child and that is why she became a nurse. When she
turned to throw away some of the gauze, I noticed a scar on the back of her
head. Me being me, I didn’t think and blurted,” Is that why you have that
scar?” I developed this nasty habit of blurting because I forget what I am
thinking almost as soon as I think it so I need to act fast and ask while its
still in the forefront of my mind. I believe she had communicated that the
cancer was in her brain so I didn’t just jump to that conclusion. Anyway, I
expressed how much I admired her for working here after her own warrior cancer
journey. I also found out that I am the 2nd MS patient tied with another person, to do
HSCT at Scripps. I am currently tied with another person. I was floored because
I didn’t know. That wouldn’t have stopped me but wow. Kristina hooked up the
Lasix and IV and left and Natalie came in and gave me a stool softener because
she said one of the meds would give me constipation. They came back in at some
point to introduce the night nurse, Imelda and her nurse assistant Victoria.
They were both so pleasant, knowable, and nice. I really liked Victoria. She
was so sweet. I did express concern about how I wasn’t peeing much. She said it
was because I was no longer on the Lasix and was returning back to normal
function. I spaced telling her that when I did pee it was a weak stream of stop
and go, stop and go. I did tell her that it didn’t seem like I was peeing much
for as much water as I was drinking. I guess it is fine, but I need to keep an
eye on it. If the find I am retaining water in my bladder, they will have to catheterize
me. I really don’t want that. I understand it, respect it, and agree but I
really don’t want that. Kurt went back to the hotel for the night. Kristin came
in a few different times and answered my questions which were about the
calendar she gave me, I asked her if I would get sick in the next few days and
she doesn’t expect that but advised me to call if I do. I asked because I heard
that chemo makes some people very nauseous. Maybe that’s if you have multiple
doses. This is all very new to me. I also asked her if they collect the stem
cells from a bone, but she said they collect it from the blood. That was pretty
much it and she left at 11:30 at night. I don’t know how she does it, but
everyone here is amazing. Later I heard someone getting violently ill. I mean
they were very very sick. I really hope this treatment helps them. I also
thought about how that could be me soon. Most likely during the transplant
part. That part alone scared me. I didn’t want to be sick. I didn’t express
that right. I understand that chemo is poison. This poison kills people. It is
very scary to think every dose of chemo is a metaphoric knock-on deaths door.
8/5/2023
Today is day 4 of the Filgrastim shots. They give them to me
every day for 5 days and then they collect my stem cells. On the first day I
had some aches and pains. They were a sudden sharp ache that slowly dissipated.
The second day I mentioned it to the nurse, and she said that it was bone pain.
Later that day I noticed it in my thigh, arm, ankle, wrist and in my skull. Yesterday
it was mostly in my chest. It felt like someone punched me in my chest bone,
but it was a deep dull ache. Today I woke up with pain in my lower back. It is
very painful, but I am tolerating it. I will take some Tylenol soon. I started
taking Claritin the day before I started the shots. They told me to take Tylenol
for the pain. I keep telling myself that I am almost through this.
Kristen called me last night to let me know what to expect
for collection day. She told me to start taking my calcium supplement. It would
help with the side effects of the medications they will give me. She said they
will most likely give me Ativan to relax my veins. I’m not happy about it but it’s
what they have to do to collect my stem cells. She also said that if they have
trouble going through my veins, then they will have to go through my groin. She
said they numb you all up, so you don’t feel any pain. She also said the
positive of going through my groin was so I could move around more. I must be
relaxed and not move during collection which will take about 4 hours. I am not
looking forward to being still for that long. I hope they let my husband in. I
am trying so hard to be strong, but I am so scared. Kristen advised me to take
my laptop so I could watch a movie or something. I hate to admit that I am not
ready for all of this, but I don’t think I ever will be.
8/31/23
Today I met with Dr. Burt and consented to the transplant.
Tomorrow at 7:30-8:00 AM, I will be admitted to the hospital. They will insert
a PICC line into my arm. They said they will numb the area, so I won’t be in
pain. If my vein doesn’t work, they will insert it under my collarbone. It is
this long tube that runs into the arm or the collarbone to right above the
heart. It is so long.
https://youtu.be/mjZm6bbsqEI?si=ltV2Tfzbtj0wnv5l
After the PICC line is inserted, they will give me ATG,
steroids, Cyclophosphamide, and Mesna. I believe the ATG is to prevent my
immune system from attacking the bone marrow or to rebuild the bone marrow (I need
to double check that), the steroids are to prevent allergic reactions from the ATG,
the cyclophosphamide is the chemo used to obliterate my immune system, and the
Mesna is to prevent bladder damage from the Cyclophosphamide. I am also
supposed to stay well hydrated by drinking at least 2 liters a day along with
the IV. This will happen every day until the 5th. September 6th
will be my 2nd birthday. They call it that because it’s the birth of
my new immune system. So long as my immune system rebuilds and my levels
increase, I will be able to leave the hospital around the 15th. We
still have to stick around San Diego in case anything goes wrong and for
further testing.
Dr. Burt seemed like he was pretty busy. I asked him a lot
of questions and he answered them. I tried to be quick about it so I wouldn’t
hold him up. I recorded the questions and his answers but not in too much
detail. It’s getting late and I need to sleep but I will add them in the
morning. I feel exhausted of this already, but the transplant process begins
tomorrow. I don’t feel ready, but I do feel rushed like this all is happening
way too fast. I think it’s just my anxiety paired with how anxious I am.
9/1/2023
I was admitted
this morning, and they inserted a PICC line. It went in 35 cm. It wasn’t as bad
as I thought, of course but I was shaking because I was so scared. They started
me on a medication to protect my bladder from the chemo and an IV. It’s called
Mesna. Then they gave me anti-nausea medication and started the Cytoxin.
Cytoxin is the chemo also known as Cyclophosphamide. I am told I will be up
late tonight because they are starting the ATG late. Today is day -5. At day
zero they will give me back my stem cells and I can start rebuilding my new
immune system. Each day after that is +1, +2, +3…
I am doing
okay. I am just very tired today. I didn’t sleep well last night and woke up
pretty early to be admitted. I am just incredibly anxious. I started to nap but
decided to just stay awake until I get the ATG. Did I mention I am incredibly
scared of an adverse reaction. I keep praying that nothing will happen and that
I will be okay.
9/3/2023
Today is day -3. Dr. Burt came in this morning and told me
everything was going well. He said my liver enzymes were high, so he is
lowering my dosage of Mesna. Tomorrow is my last day of Cyclophosphamide. He
also said he is not too worried about fever from the ATG because of the steroids
they are giving me which is a whole lot. I am very swollen and gained 10 lbs
alone from all the fluids and the steroids. I am 160 lbs. They tell me I should
lose it pretty quickly but I’m not sure about that. From past experience it
takes a lot of hard work to get the weight back off. Thankfully, I haven’t experienced
any crazy side effects so far. The hardest thing so far is showering with a
PICC line. I am trying so hard to not get it wet. I am also trying to get used
to the shower. Its cold and I don’t want to catch a chill.
9/5/2023
Yesterday was a
super rough day. I had severe gastritis from the chemo. Chemo is really hard on
your stomach. Omg, it really really sucked. I had no idea what was happening. I
was sitting in bed when I got suddenly dizzy and felt like I was going to pass
out. I pressed the call button to call the nurse, but they didn’t respond. Next
thing I know is I hear a lot of chaos and voices in my head and a high pitch
ringing. I started to come to and someone was asking me if I was okay. She was
the only one in the room and the I must have been dreaming of all these voices
and chaos. I told her that I passed out. She asked me if I lost consciousness
and I said I think so, I passed out. She called more nurses in who took my
vitals, called Dr. Burt, and kept asking me how I was feeling. I was trying to
gauge that for myself, and I then told them I felt sick. They handed me a vomit
bag. I threw up my breakfast with was Maple Oatmeal. Thank god that was it. I
was relieved I hadn’t eaten something acidic. I was so scared, and my poor
husband had walked into all the chaos. I was so sad for him.
Dr. Burt
ordered scans of my stomach. He said I was really backed up. It’s weird because
even though I haven’t gone every day, I have been going a decent amount, but I
was told it was completely normal due to the chemo. The stomach pain really sucked,
and the burps really hurt. I really didn’t like the burps. They told me it is a
really common side effect and gave me a bunch of medications. That was super
scary. I honestly thought I was going to die. I know the risks of this
procedure and I know one of them is death. I remember when I woke up after
passing out, I thought that this was it and that I was dying. I was keeping
faith that it would be fast. Thankfully, it wasn’t death, and they knew how to
resolve it.
Anyway, I'm
doing much better this morning.
I feel like
today will be a much better day. I ma trying to remain optimistic. I finished
the chemo, Cytoxan, yesterday and today is my last day with the ATG. Tomorrow
is my stem cell birthday. Yay, almost done. Well, maybe.
Overall, I am
still in good spirits, but I am very nervous. It’s to be expected with a
medical procedure as big as this but I know it will all be okay. There is that optimism.
9/6/2023
Today is Day
Zero. Today is my Stem Cell Birthday. I am crying from all the emotions and the
steroids. From now on, I will have 2 birthdays. One for me and one for my immune
system/stem cells.
I am so
nervous. They are going to pump me full of Ativan (to keep me calm) and Benadryl
(to prevent allergic reaction from the preservative frozen with my stem cells),
then give me back my cleaned baby stem cells. If this all works, meaning the chemo
paired with the stem cell transplant, it should put the MS into remission. I don’t
like the word cure just because there is a possibility that MS can come back
but I do pray this is my cure and that I will be free of this beast. I have
also heard of people getting the stem cell transplant and MS returning like 5 years
later.
Right now, I
feel amazing. I started my day scared and anxious and now I am unhooked off all
the heavy, clunky machines I have been toting around for the last few days. I
even managed to walk around a bit and get some exercise around the hospital
floor.
Now, I am
sitting here enjoying this wonderful view and watching the sunset. It’s quiet
and peaceful. This is exactly what I need.
9/8/2023
Day +2 and
doing well. I don't have much to tell. Yesterday my immune system bottomed out
so now I'm waiting for it to recover but everything seems good. I feel pretty
normal. Yesterday my right knee was a little weak, but my MS always loves to
mess with my right side so, I wasn't surprised. My eyesight is a bit blurry. I
am told it is caused by the steroids I have been given. Now that those are
coming down, I am told my eyesight will get better. One other thing was I got
to 1,000 steps and felt so zapped of energy that I returned to my room. I
decided to try something else, a wall sit, and I got to about 45 seconds but I
was completely drained. I literally felt like I couldn’t move or even keep my
eye lids open. I was pretty much bed bound the rest of the day. Even going to
the bathroom which is a few steps away felt like a whole lot of work. To remind
you of my baseline before transplant, I could walk 15,000 steps a day. I still
would get fatigue but this is some serious weakness.
9/9/2023
Today is +3. I have been in the hospital since September 1st.
It was rough. I have gone through some pretty exhausting and scary things, but
I persevered through them somehow. Yesterday and today, I have spent a lot of
time reflecting on everything. The future, my goals, what life means now, how
my priorities have shifted, and who matters in my life.
Over the past few months, I felt shunned by a family member,
and it really hurt me. I should have expected it because that individual isn’t
very involved in my life regardless of how much they pretend that they want to
be. I know this person is probably shunning me on purpose for their own satisfaction,
but it hurts. I have accepted that I am dealing with a mountain of agony and
stress over multiple sclerosis alone. I do not deserve to be treated this way
because I wouldn’t do that to someone I love. I recognize that this individual
is toxic, and it is in my best interest to stay weary and alert for any deviance
to be used against me. I am a good person, a forgiving person but I cannot let
that be my Achilles heel. I won’t let that happen. It stifles me though, why do
such a hurtful thing? Why shun me and not address your issue? I will let it go
because in the end it doesn’t matter but it does speak volumes about their
character, maturity, and sanity. I have already spent far too much time trying
to analyze and discern the justification of their actions.
As for my future goals, I am still pondering them, but I
want to get my degree in Anthropology, maybe start an animal rescue, write a
book, buy my own home, have a beautiful garden, and live my life peacefully and
happily. What do I have planned next is still in the air. I have been thinking
about getting a work from home job so that I can pay off my debts and spend
more time with myself. I want to continue to focus on my health and save money.
I want to write. I love writing and I think I am creative enough to make
something amazing. My ultimate goal is to just be happy. This is my chance of rebirth,
and I don’t want to squander it. I want to embrace it. Maybe help others with
this nasty disease too.
Update: I can’t express how absolutely amazing I feel this
morning. I feel completely clear headed, awake, and high energy. I feel years
younger. I cannot express how incredible this is because it is completely
unbelievable. For years I have been constantly fatigued and full of cog fog. I
wake up every single day and struggle all day to just stay awake. Often times,
I have to get hyped up about something to keep my attention and motivation just
for a conversation. So much of the time, my thoughts feel cloudy and slow. I
really cant express how debilitating it can be. I push through it so so hard
but this morning feels different. I feel wide awake. I feel great. I feel
normal. The craziest part is I know that this is what normal is supposed to
feel like after years of feeling so far from normal.
It makes me so angry that MS did that to me. I have not been
myself for such a long long time. I have a whole lot of catching up to do. I
have already noticed my typing is so much faster. My coordination feels improved.
It really is incredible, and Dr. Burt says there is more to come. How could I
be so blessed. I am literally going to spend months crying about how absolutely
grateful I am. Listen, I would do anything to feel like this for 5 minutes and can’t
even fathom putting a price on this feeling for the rest of my life.
9/13/2023
Today was a
little rough. Today is day +7. This morning I woke up feeling pretty good. I
had a cup of black tea, they brought me my medications, I ate breakfast, and
shortly after that my heart felt like it was racing. I let the CNA know. He
checked my vitals. He said it could be the caffeine mixed with my medications.
Not too long after that, I let my nurse know and she manually checked my pulse.
It was 98 which didn’t seem too bad. I was feeling fine, so I let it go. A few
hours passed and I ordered lunch. My husband even got me a slice of pizza from
the cafeteria. I was a little sore about not being able to order a pizza earlier,
but I know it’s for my own safety and well-being. I ate a hamburger, a slice of
pizza, and some sherbet ice cream. It was so good. The CAN, Ross,came in and
wanted to know if I was ready for a shower and brought me towels. I was feeling
ready for a shower, so I jumped to it. My husband left for a minute and came back
while I was in the shower. The CNA came back to the room to make the bed and
clean up. When I was finished showering, I reached up and turned off the
shower. I started to feel dizzy and lightheaded and quickly sat down in the shower
chair. I started feeling like I was going to pass out and called the CNA in the
bathroom. He asked me if I had a towel and I said yes. He didn’t want to violate
my privacy which was so kind of him. He came in and I told him that I thought I
was going to pass out. He called my husband in, and I started losing
consciousness. I tried to hold on for as long as I could, but I couldn’t hold on
any longer. I passed out while the CNA
called for help from the nursing staff. I came to and then started to pass out
again. When I came to the second time two nurses were there. I eyed the bed. It
was only four, maybe five feet away. I wanted to get to the bed, but they
wouldn’t let me. They called in a pretty big muscular guy to pick me up in the
chair and carry me right to the side of the bed. I was able to get up from the
shower chair and into the bed, but I was so weak. It felt like my entire body
and energy stores were completely depleted. It was crazy. The nurse helped me
put on a shirt and went to get a doctor. I asked the other nurse if she could
help me put on underwear. I struggled to put them on and as I was attempting to,
the doctor came in. He may have seen more than he wanted to and politely
stepped back out while I finished dressing. He told me passing out during this
treatment was completely normal and they see it all the time. That made me feel
a little better but everyone, including myself was incredibly grateful I didn’t
actually fall in the shower. My platelets and red blood cells were so low that
if I hurt myself, I could have ended up hemorrhaging and dying. It was really serious.
Due to the danger, the nurses decided that I needed to be put on a bed alarm.
That sucks so badly but I understood that it is for my safety and well-being.
Still very annoying.
I was not
scared about passing out when it happened. Dr. Burt warned us this could
happen. It wasn’t even as close to scary as when I had gastritis and passed out.
I certainly thought I was dying that time. This time, I just tried my best to
stay on the chair and get help asap to avoid falling or injury. Later it was
pointed out that I had a string alarm in the shower that I could have pulled. It
happened so fast that I didn’t even think to use it.
9/15/23
Yesterday was rough. I snapped at the CNA because I was
frustrated at being put on the bed alarm. They put me on a bed alarm because my
platelets were low, and they worried about me passing out again so I wasn’t
allowed off my bed without a nurse or CNA with me. That also included going to
the bathroom. He insisted that I leave the door open at all times even when
having a bowel movement for safety reasons. I have PTSD and anxiety so I tried
to explain that I couldn’t go with the door open. I felt like he wasn’t
listening and felt extremely overwhelmed. I slammed the door closed and just
missed his fingers. After I closed the door, I realized instantly that I lost
my temper. I knew I needed to apologize to him which I did. I also had so much
anxiety, the feeling “to go” passed. I was anxious mainly because it was IVIG
day. IVIG is intravenous immunoglobulin, and I am told it is supposed to be an
extra layer of protection for people with compromised immune systems. I am
always super nervous about medications and strange things going into my body,
so I was a nervous wreck. Plus, earlier that morning I had some sharp chest
pains and my heart felt like it was racing. I was told it was just because I
had caffeine. I wasn’t sold on that explanation though. I drink caffeine all
the time, but they said it was my low platelets coupled with the caffeine and
the plethora of medications they have been given me. I had also been having
some tenderness around my belly button that no one could explain to me. I was
having extreme anxiety, and I wasn’t managing it well. Lastly, steroids were in
my system so I could have been experiencing some “roid rage”.
They gave me my premeds which were Benadryl and steroids. I
got really sleepy and they hooked up the IVIG. Everything went very smoothly
and the IVIG was over in just a few hours. I also got a new bed because the
inflation on mine wasn’t working correctly.
Today is day + 9. I feel normal. It is the first time I have
felt normal in so long. I feel like I can think. I don’t feel any weird
sensations in my body except some bone pain from the Filgastrim shots. I woke
up this morning very stiff. My hips, thighs, and lower back hurt so bad. I at
first thought it was because I got the new bed and complained about it. Later,
my husband suggested it could be from the Filastrim shots and he was right.
After I got another shot, my pain increased. It is like a deep pressure that
aches. It is very uncomfortable and no matter how much you stretch, it still
hurts. I didn’t want to take anything for the pain, but it started to really
increase in intensity, so I finally requested some Claritin and Tylenol. The
relief came pretty quickly and that confirmed it. Now that we know what it is, everything
is better now.
All I want is candy. Sweet, tart, sugary candy. My husband
is amazing because he brought be nerd ropes, sugar straws, and sour punch
straws. They are divine but probably not good for my newly forming gut
microbiome. I am forgiving myself though due to all the chemo. Now that I am
writing this, I hate to say it but sugar feeds cancer. Chemo can cause cancer
and I am eating a ton of sugar. Yikes. I have also been craving spegettios and
vegetarian vegetable soup, probably for the iron. Having low platelets can
cause anemia so that makes sense to me.
My CNA Yessica shaved my head today. It was really coming
out and it was time for it to go. She is awesome. I have been wanting to have
that done for so long. One of the nurses, Heidi, suggested I ask her to do it
and she was more than happy to. Yessica, Heidi, Sophia, Abi are just a few of
my favorites around here that I can remember right now but there are so many
others. All of the staff here are amazing. Why can’t I bring them all home with
me? My fingers feel like ice cubes on my scalp. My scalp feels like the rough
side of Velcro. My head is cold. It is all very weird.
At the end of August, I decided I wanted to find a way to
pay it forward, so I reached out to Cassidy who I met through Facebook. She was
one of Dr. Burts patients from Chicago. I asked her about possibly volunteering
somewhere and she told me she just started a nonprofit called HSCT hope inc. I
have been so excited to start doing anything to help her cause. Her nonprofit
(HSCT Hope Inc.) mission is to educate and help people get HSCT. I can’t wait
to get out of the hospital and home so I can devote more time to researching
various things.
Home. I can’t wait to go home. I miss my dogs so much and
the comfortable feeling of being just being home. I have been trying not to let
my mind think too much about it but the longer I am away from home, the more
home sick I get. I keep listing off all the benefits of being here and the big
picture, the long-term goal. I need to stay focused on that, keep being
positive, and keep thinking of the future I want to manifest. No excuses. Keep
your head in the game.
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