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July 27, 2020 - Neurosurgeon!?!?


    So, I went to Starbucks and to McDonald's to get breakfast for my family. When I came home, I wanted a cigarette so I sat down and as I was smoking, I felt a sudden tightness going up my leg and arm. In a matter of seconds, it got super intense, my arm folded inward and my leg extended outwards but I had no control over either my leg or my arm. I realized I was tensing up trying to fight it but It wasn't helping so I gave in and relaxed. Slowly the tightness eased and my arm and leg started to relax. My husband, witnessing the whole thing was worried and kept asking if I was okay. I told him that something wasn't right and that I wanted to go to the hospital.

    When we got to the Emergency room, they hooked me to all the machines, drew blood, gave me an IV, and tested my heart. When those all came back normal, they tested me for a stroke. When I cleared that, they did an MRI with and without contrast.

    Finally, the doctor came in with the results. He told us they found a mass in the MRI. They weren't sure what it was but That they were going to reach out to a neurosurgeon. Right then my heart dropped. I just tuned everything out while trying to hold back tears. I looked at my husband to gauge his reaction. He looked just as stricken as I was. I had a couple more attacks that day. My hospital paperwork said it was paresthesia. Later, I thought it was a severe case of spasticity. In July of 2021, after it happened again, I learned it was actually hemi dystonia.

    When we got home my head swam with all the possibilities. I could have brain cancer or it could be a brain tumor. Either way, I would need brain surgery and I can't handle that. I just can't do it.

    I don't know what to do. I want my grandmother but she passed. I want my mom or sister but they are gone too. I want to tell someone but I can't think of anyone. I just need to wait until we meet with the neurosurgeon. I just need to hold it together until then. I spent days reflecting on all the possibilities and crying in secret. I was terrified but I didn’t want anyone to know.

    We were all dealing with so much. My father-in-law who we lived with just had tongue surgery due to cancer of the mouth. He doesn’t seem to be doing too well and has very low spirits. My mother passed early in the year, in January due to liver cancer caused by cirrhosis. To top it off the nation is on lockdown because of Covid 19 so we have to be extra careful because people are getting sick and dying.

The mass was located on the left but you can see it in the image on the right. It was 2.6 X 2.5 cm.


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