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July 28, 2021 - Meeting With A Neurosurgeon

Today was pretty stressful. I was terrified on the way to the neurology office. We waited for them to call us back. When they did, we sat down and waited for the doctor. 

She came in, asked how I was doing, and told us that the mass was a lesion. She had said they thought I might have had a demyelinating disease, possibly multiple sclerosis but because the MRI I had done in Yreka isn't clear, they can't give me a definitive answer. She asked me if I had seen a neurologist which I hadn't. She wants me to see a neurologist and to have a more advanced MRI done at Oregon Advanced Imaging.

I clarified that it wasn’t a tumor or cancer and she repeated that they wouldn’t know for sure until they had a clear image. So, I need to do another MRI and then a neurologist can tell me for sure what is wrong.


So, now I am waiting for a call to schedule my MRI so I can finally figure out what is going on. My right leg is still weak and feels like I am dragging it around like an anchor. I wish she could have told me exactly what was wrong today. It's going to be tough waiting around.

I don't think it's MS. It can't be. I don’t want it to be. MS is rare and my uncle Sonny had it. From what I know, MS is an incurable disease. My uncle's disease was debilitating. I remember meeting him in the hospital. He could hardly move. He was basically paralyzed. His face was contorted in this half-surprised half quizzical look. He wore that expression permanently. Growing up, I often pondered what being paralyzed would feel like and I couldn’t begin to fathom it. He later died from pneumonia as a result of aphasia due to MS.

It's more likely a tumor and I am praying, just praying that whatever it is can be treated quickly and easily because I have enough already to deal with. My father-in-law is getting worse and I don’t want the things going on with me to overshadow him in his time of need.

I have plans to quit smoking cigarettes, quit drinking alcohol, lose weight, maybe go back to school, and find a good career in the anthropology field or as a writer – it's what I think I would love to do and have a passion for. I want a family- children. I want to better myself. I am ready to better myself. So whatever this is, seriously needs to go away.

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