One wonderful thing about having MS is that you never know what to expect. Symptoms can come out of nowhere at any time, for any reason. That's why it is so important to keep your spirits high and to have a good sense of humor. Today I will share some of my own special moments. Hopefully, you find the humor in them as I do.
I have to pee.
Of course, urination is normal but because of all the fun medications I take, I pee about once or twice an hour. The medication makes me thirsty so I drink water all day. Also because of the relapses, I am unable to hold it in. My husband hurries me to the bathroom as fast as I will go, we struggle to pull down my underwear, and as soon as my butt hits the toilet I already have a study flow streaming. In the event I don't make it totally in time, I manage to leak a tiny bit. I won't complain. I could have no control and rely on depends. I could only imagine my husband and me dealing with that. Sometimes while I pee I try to look him in the eye just to make it weird. I am still waiting for him to notice.
Attention, this is not a seizure.
Hemidystonia is basically where all the muscles on one side of your body spasm at the same time. It's extremely uncomfortable but from an outside perspective, I may look like one of the mythical undead or a flopping fish. After about 50 seconds of flopping around, since I cannot stand during these episodes, I am fine. A little weak but I am okay. Imagine having one at work or at the store. Good news, I haven't experienced that yet.
Crotch tickles
Sounds funny but it's actually uncomfortable and has really bad timing. For instance when I'm in the middle of a serious conversation with my mother-in-law, paying bills, taking pills, or eating a meal. Do you know how I was discussing muscle spasms? Yes, it's one of those except you never get the happy ending, it goes on forever, and you are forced to just wait it out. I do joke about it with my husband comparing it with a boner. I yell, "Kurt, I have the crotch tickles again" and we both laugh while I shift uncomfortably for the next 15 minutes. Yes, I have tried to get rid of them but they persist.
It fell out...
I can't control my pee, I can't control my farts. I haven't tested holding poop because I don't need the mess and I go pretty much when I need to but farts just fall right out. I picture a gremlin pulling them out just to mess with me. They happen when I walk, while I pee when I laugh, while I lounge, when I cry, when I pick something up, you name it I have zero control. I can't wait until I go back to work. The least I can do is have a little fun with it, right? I have to work on my game face though.
Don't forget to wash my butt and lady bits.
Well, if I can't pee by myself, what makes you think I can shower by myself. I can do a lot except washing my weak spots so my husband helps. I struggle to hang on and spread em while my husband goes for the kill. He makes sure those cheeks are clean while I remind him to go deep and get those folds and crevices while my legs shake and struggle to hold up my own weight.
Slippery plates, wet wipes, and unintentional sticks.
I love food but lately, it gets all over. We stopped using paper towels and invested in washcloths which have been a lifesaver. I also find that while I eat, my plate slides around like a bar of soap in a bathtub. I find myself disciplining my hand for not holding it in place while praying to God it doesn't slide off onto the floor. I barely make it every time but give myself silent applause for my lucky victory undeserved but full of relief. While my weak arm hangs out on my desk it acts as a magnet attracting everything small or difficult to pick up if it falls.
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