My MS/HSCT Journey

It hurt the most 09/2023 So, after being diagnosed I imagined the most horrible things happening physically. I didn’t expect the things that would happen mentally. I didn’t expect withdrawal or depression. The depression I had was never to the extreme before. It was the depression that had you looking at your gun as a backup plan. I believe now that I wouldn’t have gone to the extreme but I don’t know what kind of potential those thoughts honestly would have had. It did up having the opposite effect though. I was and never have been suicidal. I have always been a pretty optimistic person. I remember having the biggest relapse and being full of hope. Numb, but full of hope. The depression hit me when I thought I had caught the relapse early. It must have been a severe chemical imbalance because, I swear, the steroids fixed it right away. The next day I really noticed a change. It was like a switch flipped. I wondered how I could go down such a dark thought process. I knew it was complet...

https://www.facebook.com/YrekaNews/videos/1687758981624864   https://fb.watch/lpApuq6g3A/ I need to go home right now. At home, we are under advisory evacuations for the Mill fire in Siskiyou County and we are in an evacuation zone. Earlier this year we had another fire that had half the town under mandatory evacuation. It was very scary. Right now, it is only under advisory but it could escalate to mandatory at any time and I worry that my mother-in-law will not be able to get all the animals vacated by herself. I don't want to be here and I know they can just prescribe prednisone and release me. I promised the doctor that I would return to the ER if my symptoms worsen or if the steroids don't work. Now I need to wait for my husband to get here and take me home. Okay, so the fire is quite a ways away but fires move very quickly and I believe that is why we were under advisory. It seems that evacuations are lifting so that's good. A friend of mine's house did burn down ...

Today I went to the emergency room. I called my MS specialist and told the nurse that I thought I was having a relapse, who then relayed a message to my MS specialist. They told me that I needed to rule out an infection. I had an appointment today at the gyno so I asked them to test for a bladder infection or a UTI. I don't usually get bladder infections or UTIs but I figured it wouldn't hurt to check. It came up normal. 😔 I know that means I relapsed so I decided to go to the ER because they can give me prednisone. My last infusion was in April 2022. I should be okay since it's only been 4.5 months and these infusions should keep me safe for 6 months. However, several days ago I woke up feeling something was off. This all started on August 27th with hand weakness and trouble speaking out loud. On August 28th, the sensation in my right hand was off and weirdly numb.  Currently, I am having a hard time staying focused on my school assignments. So, I have been reading out lo...